Now comes before us John and Mary. Let us first look at John!
Young, proud, in fact egotistical, even arrogant. He is without much experience in life, few scars of battle, no particular education, no particular skills, no wealth, but full of pride and arrogance and desire, probably marrying for love, and about to give up much of his unpracticed freedom, offering himself to the World of Reality, to Society, to this Government and to his conceptual God, to the state of matrimony, to fatherhood and to husbandhood. Today John will give up, presumably voluntarily, more freedom than any political system is likely to ever take away. And all for love.
And is it not worth it? Are we not told that "love" is the highest of man's aspirations? Is not love worth all, all life, all freedom, all ---- happiness? Ah, this romantic love that begins with her hand on his crotch, grows with every stroke, flies with his heart rate, develops into a semiconscious swoon when he feels her lips, her moisture, now both throbbing, yearning, fumbling, finding, heaving, undulating, joined in MIND and striving to join equally in body, now exploding in relief of this pain, thought to be pleasure for the expediency of the moment. Oh God, to be rid of this miserable and irritating semen, this ejaculate which does not belong where it too often resides and rests, badgering and reminding the guardian of his business, his duty to the Greater Power, to get rid of it, to pass it on to its rightful owner, to someone who appreciates it! To someone who downright wants it, reaches for it, works and undulates to get it. Why should I hold back when God and Nature and The-Powers-That-Be, scream at me, morning to night, to give, give, give, ever mindful of the insistent Force of Life which pushes grass up between minute cracks in concrete, pushes trees up out of dirt, squeezes life out of every puddle, bog and slime pool on earth. Why should I resist? How can I resist? Even for a day more?
And so here he is, a servant to a Greater Power than himself, to surrender, to serve, to give, to beget, to support, to foster, nurture, protect, guide and train, unselfishly, generously, freely and without doubt about his commitment here, today, before us all. He promises publicly, openly, full-faced and without shame, to carry out his duty, uphold his promise, to maintain his vows.
There will be only one excuse that all of us here, who have come to show our recognition of John's manhood in spite of his youth, John's honesty in spite of his lack of experience, John's deep and genuine commitment in spite of his lack of wisdom, wealth, skill, education, and John's adulthood, in spite of his years. Now we bring ourselves, sacrificing our time to John and Mary, here we lay our gifts out of our hard-earned wealth, here we demonstrate our acceptance of John, and of Mary, as one of us, one of the Men and Women, no longer children playing at house or "wove."
Well, John, now I ask you, as you stand here before us, full of anxiety and prodded by social pressure, easily said words, expedient promises and the heavy gathering behind you, DO YOU WISH TO PROCEED WITH THESE VOWS AND ARE YOU PREPARED TO CARRY THEM OUT IN THE FACE OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE IF IT BE REQUIRED, TO SUPPORT MARY AND TO REAR A FAMILY? FOR THAT, JOHN, IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!
And John, who had been nervous all the days before this morning, who, as he donned his silly tuxedo two hours earlier and looked into the mirror wondered why the hell he, at age 22, who had never been to California, never been to Alaska, never been to Europe even, let alone China, Africa, Egypt, The Middle East, Australia, Anarctica, had never flown an airplane, never scuba dived, never hunted wild boar, never owned a house, never started or ran a business, never read Shakespeare, never read anything by Sigmund Fraud, never invested in stocks (he didn't really know what they were or how one bought them), never sailed a ship on the ocean, never experienced the loss of a parent or a brother or sister or loved one, had never written either a song or a book or even a good essay, had never had a "A" in school, how he, who had been nowhere and done essentially nothing, should be getting married today and forever, giving up all dreams of freedom to run, to grow, to become, to fly, to mature, to BECOME A MAN, A BATTLE SCARRED WALRUS, before begetting children. There was no doubt in his mind that there was a subtle force which had quietly and gently enshrouded him, then enveloped him, and was now binding him into its cocoon-like web and was about to carry him out this door and into some church to promise things that seemed not to be in his heart at this moment. He was just nervous, he told himself. He was just wrapped up with this whole ceremony which his girlfriend, his fiance=, had been busily planning these last 3 months, down to every detail. He had gone along with it all. He had shown gently cooperation pretending it was more or less "her day" and letting her have fun. He liked to see her happy. And so the quiet heaviness in his chest was put aside to the judgments of the intellect, of conception, turning now away from the natural mating that had brought them happiness and the desire to frequently be together, to the conception of what mating ought to be, "marriage." And now the interpretation and translation of intellect regarding the natural phenomenon of mating was about to occur, about to play itself out in front of foolish family and silly friends and in front of the few honest people who would cry at the innocence and childish eyes which would soon give way to daily life and the evening meal.
And John, pale and sweating, quietly turned, glancing briefly into the eyes of Mary standing there, and walked down the center of the isle, looking down at the floor, avoiding the eyes of the gathering on both sides of the gauntlet he had to traverse, thinking "Oh God, what am I doing, what have I done, Oh, God, let me out the back door to run, run, to never return to the eyesight of these people who witness my foolishness, now in running now, but in having shown up at all, having allowed this foolish arrangement to take place, having subtly encouraged it like some new right of passage which would prove that I was now a MAN, married! Yes, that was it! If a boy were married, he was now a MAN. He now had to be taken seriously by his own parents. He could be a father. He had his own place. Look at me, Mom, Dad. Now I'm a MAN. See John, See Mary, See us in our little house, our "starter" home, just a little small for now but, well, we're both working.
Fool! Run fool, run away, not from them but from your own silly and foolish arrogance, your own quickly-developed pride which blossomed overnight like weeds do, surprisingly fast, almost suddenly. Run and hide your face and let a little time for the redness to fade. They will understand, especially the MEN, who, incidentally, you failed to question and interrogate before you agreed to your foolish plan for marriage. Did you talk to them? Did you seek out your father's opinion, or your uncle's opinion? Or one of your elderly neighbors, one of the guys at work who has been through this? Did any MAN even offer you advice? Did even one MAN step forward from the confused world of isolated mobile and weakened males, to offer you guidance in this act of long-term restriction, this metaphysical, self-imposed, and other-encouraged jail? And once in, let me tell you, there are plenty of tough men who are already hired to keep you in. There are the LAWS, the RELIGIOUS SACRAMENTS, THE VOWS AND PROMISES, THE HOPE AND THE EXPECTATION OF FRIENDS, AND FINALLY, THE ATTORNEYS, the ultimate reminder of how deep the pit into which you cast yourself really is. For when you are breaking into manhood at about age 35, she will be going over the hill. And when you should be conceiving of marriage for the first time at age 35 or so, you will have been married for 10 to 15 years, have had 2 to 4 children, a job which you can't afford to leave, millstones of financial obligations to her and the children, who you no doubt will love and be attached to which deepens the trap, without experience, without good stories to tell them, without particular respect from her or from the rest of them who will be returning from their travels, their vacations, their wars and researches, with their more-exciting stories out of their more-exciting personal lives, which will leave them ready to settle down and you ready to JUMP OUT THE WINDOW. And how you will lay there at night, thinking of all the places you=ve never been, all the acts and deeds you have never experienced, all the women you will never love, all the books you will never read, meetings you will never attend, stories you will never live. And you, like the other local shmucks, will realize that one must learn to serve the Greater Power while serving yourself.
You see, the God within is like a child. Remember the famous words of Jesus as he pointed to a child and said, until you become one of these, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. And like a child, God wants candy. He wants lots of candy, now! God wants love, life, children, joy, and He wants them now, impulsively, urgently. Our young man is getting married at an early urge! He fails to realize is that the way you serve God or The Greater Power, or Nature, is by TEMPERING these urges and impulses. You serve by controlling, limiting, restraining, guiding and directing them is right ways. You must temper that urge until you are a MAN, mature, experienced, trained, educated, able to support a family with the material goods and the spiritual means necessary to their well-being and better development. You, young man, will harbor resentment and anger, you might perform your duty but will always be threatening to leave, to run away, to cast off the yoke too early placed around your own neck. You failed to temper the impulses and urges of youth and became a slave to them. And you will suffer it, if not your wife and children as well.
This is why TEMPERANCE is considered a virtue, perhaps the most important of them all.
This is why self-discipline, self-restraint, self-control, and self-limitation, manifestations of a well developed person, able to serve God, Nature and himself well, are so important for young men.
This is what is learned from the father. This is the primary role of father. To develop in your sons adequate and good personhood to protect them from the excesses of unbridled impulses, urges and emotions.
At least, this is what I believe.
A. Iosue
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